


Enough

by Estrella3791



Category: Messiah (TV 2020)
Genre: But it felt right for the characters, F/M, First time I've done a swear in a fic, Strong Language, enjoy, feelings are hard, fluff kind of, what is this
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-16
Updated: 2020-04-16
Packaged: 2021-03-01 22:55:33
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,935
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23684998
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Estrella3791/pseuds/Estrella3791
Summary: Aviram and Eva have A Talk.
Relationships: Aviram Dahan/Eva Geller
Kudos: 4





	Enough

**Author's Note:**

> Hi.  
> This is a really small fandom, which makes me sad because I really love this show and this ship.  
> Probably both of them are out of character, but here we are, anyway.  
> I'm considering doing another chapter for this from Aviram's perspective. Let me know if that's something you're interested in. :)  
> Enjoy!

The first time it happens, it happens because she’s tired and confused and a little scared and so sick of talking about 'The Messiah' to anyone. She knocks on Aviram's door, and he answers, and she lets him shove her onto the bed and fuck her until her mind clears. Of course, being able to think means realizing later that it was stupid, that they are two people with a lot of baggage, that even though having sex doesn’t have to mean something it always, anyway, to Eva, and Aviram is too busy dealing with his own shit to be mixed up in hers. So she tells him that it’s a mistake, even though what she really wants is to feel his arms wrap around her when the don’t have to, wants to feel him kiss her forehead and to sob a little bit, and she leaves.

The second time happens because she is so, so angry. She’s angry that he just up and took Payam Golshiri away, she’s angry that he didn’t tell her about it, she’s angry that his almost-death (she’d thought he died) had scared her so completely and thoroughly. She’s angry because of the guilt that had swallowed her when she thought about the last thing she said to him.

She's full of rage, and she screams at him about anything and everything, about Payam and how he’s slipped through their fingers again, about how she can’t believe that he can just leave his daughter the way he does, about what a goddamn idiot he is and how she wishes she’d never met him. He listens, eyes flickering with a plethora of different emotions, and she knows what this means but she keeps going until he slams her into a wall and attacks her with his mouth.

It’s angry and rough and both of them have bruises afterwards, but somehow, afterwards, when she’s finished berating herself for being so thoughtless as to let it happen again, Eva realizes that she doesn’t regret it.

The third and fourth and fifth times just… happen. She doesn’t have a good reason. She doesn’t have an excuse or an explanation.

(Oh, but she does, if she thinks about it. Eyes that can be soft and hard and cold and hot. A mouth that curves all the time but in different ways, depending on how he’s feeling. Shoulders and hands and that ridiculous necklace. But she doesn’t think about it.)

They go on like this, taking down Golshiri and proving to the world that he’s not real (although there are, of course, still some believers, because at the end of the day humanity is stupid) and then working together on other cases because somehow Eva got semi-permanently stationed in Israel and somehow she’s not mad about it, for a year and a half before they talk about it.

It’s Aviram who starts the conversation, and it makes Eva mad because she is an adult, a responsible one that works for the CIA, and it’s Avi that’s been solving is problems with his fists for most of his life, and she shouldn’t be the one that keeps running away with a ‘this was a mistake’ or ‘we shouldn’t have done this’ or ‘this can’t keep happening.’ She should be the one sitting Avi down and talking about feelings. She should be the one that can think clearly about their relationship and decide what she wants and ask him what he does.  
But she’s not. She doesn’t. She keeps running and making excuses and refusing to look him in the eyes unless he has her pinned to the mattress until one day when he tricks her into meeting him at a coffee shop. He told her it was about a case. It wasn't.

“What are you doing, Eva?” he asks her. He has every right to be upset with her, and heaven knows that Aviram is not well known for keeping his emotions in check, but he’s relaxed. Calm. Curious, nothing more.

She looks at him, looks away, studies her tea as she stirs it. When the silence gets heavy and she still hasn’t thought of anything to say, she blurts the first thing that comes to mind, and it unfortunately happens to be the truth.

“I’m scared,” she says.

Shit.

She’s never been vulnerable with him. Eva doesn’t like vulnerability. She doesn’t like giving anyone the power to make her feel stupid. (That’s probably part of why Golshiri irked her so much.) The fact that she just handed Aviram a very personal and potentially humiliating piece of information that he can use to make fun of her makes her a little woozy.

Aviram’s eyebrows are raised and his mouth is hanging open. Whatever he was expecting when he sat her down, it clearly wasn’t this. His mouth opens and closes a couple of times, and hot shame wells up in her throat. She scrapes her chair back and starts to stand up but Avi grabs her forearm.

“Please don’t,” he says, and his voice is rough and it makes her sit down again. She thinks about vulnerability and how she and Don actually communicated and she thinks that if Avi really wants this, she does, too. “Please just…” he huffs a laugh and curses in Hebrew. “Please let me talk,” he says, voice little more than a whisper, and she sees the thing in his eyes that has always scared her enough to run away.

“Okay,” she says, and sips her coffee.

Avi takes a breath, lets it out, thinks about his words. The silence doesn’t feel heavy when he’s the one carrying it, Eva thinks.

“There are three women in my life that I really care about,” he says finally. “Ellie, of course. Mika, for some insane, strange, ungodly reason. And… you, Eva.” He softens when he says her name, his eyes and face and voice, and Eva feels something flutter inside her that feels uncomfortably like -

“Love,” Aviram says, tilting his head back to look at the ceiling, and Eva chokes a little on the coffee that she was trying to sip. Avi notices, he must, but he doesn’t give any sign of recognition. “It’s such a fickle thing, isn’t it? It never seems to stick. The only person I’ve always loved is my daughter. But, Eva - ” he meets her eyes and her breath catches at the expression in his eyes. “What I feel for you is different. I don’t…” he trails off and curses in frustration at the inability to express his feelings. He sits back and takes a gulp of his coffee, which she’d watched him spike before she came in.

Eva thinks about him. She thinks about how he can make her angrier than anyone she’s ever met. She thinks about how she sometimes gets headaches as soon as she hears “Aviram Dahan” in a professional setting. She thinks about his face and his hands and his beat-up old car.

“Do you know why I’m scared?” she asks, when it becomes clear that Avi has no intention of saying anything else.

He doesn’t reply, just looks at her.

Eva breathes in, breathes out. Am I really going to do this? she wonders, and then she knows that she is because she only ever asks herself that question when she’s about to do it. “I’m scared because I want to wake up next to you,” she says. “Not just on the days when I’m too tired to go home after. I want…” She chokes on the truth, because telling the truth is her job but when the truth is hers being honest is much more difficult. “I want you to see me cry. I want you to make me laugh. I want you,” she says, and she’s a little surprised to find that she means it. “I want to give whatever this is - ” and she waves a hand vaguely between them to indicate him and her and Ellie and Mika and beds and breakfasts and everything else - “a try.”

Her heart is pounding, because that’s the most honest thing she’s said in years. She looks at him and he looks at her. He’s frozen, coffee cup stuck halfway to his mouth. He’s staring at her with eyes that she can’t read. Her stomach flips unpleasantly, because if he doesn’t want the same thing… if she’s read this wrong…

She’s not going to think about it until it happens.

He sets his cup back down, hand shaking enough that it rattles in the saucer.

“Eva,” he tries.

She doesn’t know what he’s going to say, but her throat suddenly closes up and she needs to get away to breathe.

“I need some air,” she manages, and leaves the coffee shop with as much dignity as she can muster. This time, he doesn’t grab her arm.

She’s leaning against the wall, pulling on a cigarette, fingers trembling a little bit because she just bared her soul to him, when he comes out of the coffee shop, too, and stands next to her. She thinks he’ll ask her for a smoke, but he doesn’t. He pulls his own out of his pocket and lights it.

They smoke together until he says, “I’m sorry.”

She huffs a laugh, smoke blue as it leaves her nose, and asks, “What for?” He hasn’t done anything wrong. She’s the one that made a mistake.

He turns his head, curls flattened by the wall, and looks her in the eyes.

“For not reacting,” he says. “I know that freaked you out.”

They’re talking about feelings, and it’s not normal and Eva doesn’t like it.

“It’s fine,” she says. She doesn’t like it that Aviram apologized. It’s out of character and it makes her uncomfortable.

“No, but - ” he begins, and she cuts him off.

“I can take rejection, Aviram,” she says curtly. “We’re two adults in a consensual situation and it’s all been for fun. You can walk away without taking my feelings into consideration.”

“No, I can’t,” he says, now turning his whole body to face her. “Eva, you idiot, I can’t.”

She would be offended by the fact that he just called her an idiot, but she’s too caught off guard by the vehemence with which he’s speaking.

He spouts something in Hebrew, a mix of curses and something else that she doesn’t dare assume that she recognizes, because if it’s what she thinks it is…

“I can't leave," he says, reaching out to trail a finger down her cheek. "Because I want to try, too." The cigarette is still dangling between the fingers of his other hand, and he drops it so that he can cup her face in his hands. Tears sting the back of her eyes, and she is overwhelmed. “I want to try, too.”

She doesn’t know whether to laugh or cry or say something, so she doesn’t do any of them. Acting on impulse, she reaches for him, dropping her cigarette, too, and presses her lips to his, praying that he won’t pull away.

He doesn’t.

He makes a sound somewhere between a groan and a laugh, grabs her by the waist, and pulls her as close as he can.

She finds herself smiling, even though this entire interaction has been a little tainted with awkwardness and she wishes that she’d handled it better, as she kisses him harder. He pulls back eventually, breath hot on her face, and she thinks about saying “I love you.”

No. Not yet. Neither of them are ready yet.

But they will be, someday, Eva thinks, and that’s enough.


End file.
